Should We See Each Other Before the Ceremony?

I always ask the bride and groom whether or not they wish to see each other prior to the ceremony. Of course many folks have heard that it's bad luck for a groom to see the bride prior to the ceremony. But have you ever considered the origin of that tradition? When I started photographing weddings, I wanted to know the reasons behind why so many couples are superstitious about seeing each other prior to the ceremony.

I quickly discovered that although there's no clear consensus as to how the tradition started, most folks agree that its origins revolve around the practice of arranged marriages. The belief is founded on the idea that if a groom sees the bride prior to the wedding, the groom may decide to cancel of the wedding because of his displeasure at seeing the bride. This tradition was further reinforced by the family of the bride and groom. Because a dowry was often involved, if a groom backed out, it could prove financially devastating to the bride's family. The groom's family was also often concerned in these cases as failing to marry the bride in question after promising to do so could result in feuds that would last for generations. Since I can assume that your marriage is not arranged and that you've already seen your fiancé before, I'd like to encourage you to consider seeing each other prior to your ceremony.

The advantages you'll realize if you choose to see each other prior to the ceremony are many. And as your photographer, there are many reasons why I prefer this kind of arrangement. To my mind, one of the most important benefits is that if you take romantic photos prior to the ceremony, your reception guests won't be kept waiting. In other words, after I capture your family photos post-ceremony, you can immediately join your reception and celebrate. This particular idea often resonates with a modern bride and groom.

Also, and without lending too much importance to aesthetic perfection, with the bride's hairstyle and makeup fresh from getting ready, any photographs taken prior to the ceremony are likely to showcase the bride in the best possible light. Additionally, the bride and bridesmaid's bouquets and the groom and groomsmen's boutonnieres will not have had time to wilt or become otherwise less than perfect.

As another consideration, weddings can often be affected by uncontrollable factors that significantly impact the wedding day schedule. In fact, based on my experience, it's more likely than not that something unexpected will happen that could affect your schedule—sometimes dramatically. To help put this in perspective, it's important to remember that your meal service time can't be easily moved. If your ceremony begins later than expected, you may be forced to reduce or even eliminate some of your planned photography. However, if we capture your romantic photographs prior to the ceremony, you're going to be afforded much more scheduling flexibility if the unexpected does occur.

At this point you may be thinking about the emotional impact of seeing each other for the first time. With that in mind, if you do decide to see each other prior to the ceremony, I'll arrange a special encounter where you see each other in your full glory surrounded by your wedding party and immediate family. In the photographs that I capture during this initial meeting, I'm sure you'll be thrilled the emotion these photographs will convey. But don't think this initial meeting will lessen the impact of seeing each other during the ceremony. Couples often tell me that they still experience great rush of excitement when they see their fiancé at the end of the aisle.

As you've probably already surmised, I prefer that a bride and groom see each other prior to the ceremony due to the enhanced photographic opportunities that this kind of scheduling affords. However, if you aren't comfortable seeing each other before the ceremony, I'll embrace your wishes and still create amazing photographs on your wedding day. In the end, I realize that this is your event and whatever you think is best for you and your fiancé is what is right and proper—and that's all that really matters anyway.

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